About
Article I: Name and Purpose
- Section 1.1: This organization shall be known as the “Radio Dork Club” (although a couple of us fought for ‘Knights of the Round Rotor’), hereafter referred to as “The Club.” Or, you know, that other name.
- Section 1.2: The purpose of The Club is to promote the art and science of amateur radio, the construction of excessively complex and questionably useful devices, and the general pursuit of dorkdom.
- Section 1.3: We don’t talk about the dork club.
Article II: Membership
- Section 2.1: Membership is open to any licensed amateur radio operator who possesses a deep and abiding love for blinking lights, the smell of burnt solder, and the ability to explain the intricacies of a balun while maintaining a completely straight face.
- Section 2.2: Prospective members must demonstrate their worthiness by constructing a “st00pid l00p” antenna. The loop must be of sufficient absurdity, as determined by a panel of existing members, who will judge based on criteria including, but not limited to, the number of unnecessary components, the use of duct tape, and the sheer audacity of its design.
- Section 2.3: Applicants must also be able to recite the entire script of a Monty Python sketch, or demonstrate a working knowledge of at least three Star Trek technical manuals.
- Section 2.4: No Karens. We mean, no individuals known to frequently complain about the “tone” of radio transmissions, or who generally lack a sense of humor, will be allowed membership. We are here to have fun, not to listen to someone whine about the “degeneracy” of a repeater.
- Section 2.5: Any member caught using a Baofeng as their primary radio will be subject to ritual shunning and forced to listen to static for 24 hours.
Article III: Meetings
- Section 3.1: Meetings shall be held at irregular intervals, at locations determined by the presiding Grand DORKtator.
- Section 3.2: The primary agenda of meetings shall consist of:
- a) The sharing of questionable radio modifications.
- b) The telling of tall tales about DX contacts.
- c) The consumption of copious amounts of caffeinated beverages and snacks of dubious nutritional value.
- d) The discussion of esoteric radio theory.
- Section 3.3: Any member caught discussing normal, non-ham related topics at a meeting will be forced to explain the benefits of morse code to a brick wall.
Article IV: Officers
- Section 4.1: The Club shall be presided over by a Grand DORKtator, whose duties shall include:
- a) Making arbitrary and capricious decisions, with absolute authority.
- b) Organizing the construction of even more ridiculous antennas, and demanding unquestioning obedience from the builders.
- c) Maintaining the club’s supply of flux, and hoarding the best rolls for themselves.
- d) Issuing edicts on acceptable levels of dorkiness.
- Section 4.2: Other officers may be appointed as needed, including, but not limited to, the Minister of Solder (who shall obey the DORKtator’s every command regarding solder application), the High Priest of RF (who shall interpret the sacred signals according to the DORKtator’s will), and the Grand Poobah of Ground Loops (who shall ensure all ground loops are sufficiently convoluted and confusing, as dictated by the DORKtator).
- Section 4.3: Officers are elected by popular vote, unless the Grand DORKtator decides to overrule the vote and appoint their favorite minion. The popular vote is determined by who can tell the best ham radio related joke at the meeting, or who brings the Grand DORKtator the most acceptable offering of snack foods.
Article V: Amendments
- Section 5.1: These bylaws may be amended by a two-thirds vote of the membership, provided that the proposed amendment is sufficiently dorky.
- Section 5.2: Any proposed amendment that involves making the club less dorky will be immediately rejected and the proposer will be forced to wear a rubber duck antenna for a week.
Article VI: Dissolution
Section 6.1: In the event of the dissolution of The Club, all remaining equipment and supplies shall be distributed among the members, with the Grand DORKtator receiving the largest share of the duct tape.
Section 6.2: The last member remaining must transmit “73” in morse code, and then throw a handful of resistors into the air.